Learning to Tie a Bow by Sarah Hampton

Author:Sarah Hampton
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: www.2qt.co.uk
Published: 2015-03-27T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter Sixteen

The role reversal was gradual. Julia was becoming the one with ambition. Her frustration at Hugh’s lack of encouragement, his belittling of her aspirations and achievements and blocking of her enterprise, began to affect her health The culture of ‘don’t’ instead of ‘do’ which he visited upon their children. There were few ‘well done Jocks’, Father’s favourite phrase of spurring on and being on your side, from him.

Hugh was busy fencing and hedging so she offered to do the auction mart run, taking the fat lambs to the Monday butchers’ market. They made a reasonable price. Waiting for the payout to be processed, she wandered into the adjoining part of the mart where cattle sales were in progress and into the ring came two Simmental in-calf heifers. Possessing Father’s eye for livestock, she was bowled over by the conformation and honey-coloured beauty of the two animals and, without a second thought, she bid for and bought them. It was the same intuition that had bought the yellow frock years ago and made her ask for that bank loan for the land.

On her way home, she began to appreciate that what she had done might incur displeasure; the sheep money to pay the bills had been squandered on a whim without consulting Hugh but she knew from experience that, had she asked, he would have said no.

By the time she got home, it was almost dark. She drove the Land Rover and trailer as far as possible up the rough track to the enclosed fell land, out of view of the house, off-loaded her purchases and didn’t say a word. Hugh’s anger was too familiar and best avoided, put off for as long as possible, a rerun of the headmistress’s chastisement when she had gone weak at the knees. In adulthood it made her feel sick and reach for the bottle. She would have to judge her moment – but fate interceded and, before she could confess, she heard the familiar tread on the yard cobbles, the bang on the door and Jack’s cheery greeting. ‘I see you’ve a grand pair of Simmental heifers in the top allotment.’

She had to explain to Hugh. It was a double humiliation for him. Not only had Julia not told him but he had been put at a disadvantage, made to look a fool. He reacted with his usual charm in front of Jack, pretending to know all about her purchases but when Jack left he started on her. He never assaulted her physically – but he attacked her mind until it could no longer function, pacing up and down in anger, shouting, banging the table, reasonable debate beyond his comprehension. Then came the blackmail, insidious, seeking out what he perceived to be her vulnerability, the children, belittling them.

The following morning there was silence, both of them reeling from something that should not have been. Her tentative efforts to regain conversation, to get back to some kind of uneasy normality.

In hindsight, she wondered whether he was ever aware of the hurt he caused her.

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